You Can't Go Home Again
by mommanerd
Summary: Buffy is having a dream. What can it mean?
1. Prologue

The dream played again in her unconscious mind. It was the same dream she'd had the night before - and the night before that. Her heart filled with dread as she recognized the place where she had once stood with her doomed lover. The cavernous room was eerily silent after the clanging force of their battle, a battle that had ended abruptly just seconds before.  
  
"Angel," she breathed as she looked into his confused brown eyes, "I love you." She drew close to him and raised her face. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she heard his words.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Close your eyes," she told him as her right hand tightened around the sword she held at her side. She lifted her free hand and laced her fingers through his before drawing close to kiss him one last time. "I love you," she whispered against his cool lips.  
  
"No you don't."  
  
She stepped back, her eyes wide with shock as she saw the clear blue eyes.  
  
"But thanks for saying it."  
  
"Spike?" The sword was gone as she reached out toward him tentatively, her fingertips gliding over the contours of his face. "Are you real?"  
  
He smiled at her softly, and lifted his hand to cover hers. "It's your dream, love."  
  
She sat up with a gasp. 


	2. Part 1

"So Buffy, please try to be clear." Giles removed his glasses and tapped his cheek with the earpiece. "Are you telling me that Angel turned into Spike?"  
  
"No!" Buffy tried not to sigh as she plopped down onto the sofa. "I'm saying that I was there with Angel, and then I was there with Spike."  
  
Giles replaced his spectacles and turned to walk toward the hotel room window. "Forgive me for appearing confused, but it just seems that there are things you aren't telling me."  
  
"Like what?" Buffy knew she sounded defensive, but she wasn't quite sure how much information she should give out. "This was a slayer dream Giles, as in supposed to be confusing and thereby pretty much completely useless." She crossed her arms and looked away, muttering "Stupid slayer dreams."  
  
The couch shifted a little as Xander moved to sit beside her. "Come on Buff. There's got to be more. You came in here all worked up about this and you haven't even explained why. Haven't we all been through enough together by now to just be honest?" He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Trust us. Tell us what this is about."  
  
Buffy eyed her friend warily and raised her hand to toy with her necklace. She knew the information would go over like a lead balloon, but Spike was long gone and they'd all moved on, hadn't they? After a moment's contemplation she dropped her hand, decision made. "I told him I loved him."  
  
Giles quirked an eyebrow and turned toward her. Xander dropped his arm and leaned back. "Who?" he asked.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath. "Spike," she told them. "I told Spike I loved him before he died. And I told him in the dream too." She glanced at the men warily.  
  
"I see," Giles said. He exchanged a meaningful look with Xander, who remained surprisingly silent. He turned his attention back to Buffy, "And what do you think this means?"  
  
"I don't know." Buffy stood and began to pace the floor. She stopped in front of her Watcher. "Why do I get these stupid dreams anyway? They never tell me anything until it's too late, like when somebody dies or goes postal. Then everything makes sense!"  
  
"But Buffy, Spike is." Xander began.  
  
"I know. He's already dead. What's the point?"  
  
"Have you discussed this with Angel?" Giles asked.  
  
"Oh right," Buffy protested. "Like I'm supposed to call him up and say 'Hey Angel, I'm having this dream where I'm killing you again and telling you I love you, except you're really Spike'?" She crossed her arms. "That'll go over well!"  
  
"I see your point," Giles conceded.  
  
Buffy dropped down on the sofa again. "Look, this has to mean something. I mean I've had this dream three nights in a row now. There's something I'm supposed to know or do or something." She raised her eyes to look at her mentor. "Is there anything we can do to find out what this is about?"  
  
Giles paused to think. "Perhaps there is something." his voice trailed off thoughtfully, "I've heard of certain mystical incantations that can enhance a dream."  
  
"No!" Xander stood. "No spells. No talisman mumbo-jumbo. No hair color changing magical shenanigans. No Native American curses. I always end up on the bad side of these things when they go wrong. We're not going there."  
  
"I'll look through my books," Giles said.  
  
"I'll get Willow," Buffy added. She hurried out, heartened at the prospect of a solution. 


	3. Part 2

Buffy placed her last flower on the marker that represented her mother's final resting place. A week earlier she, Dawn and their closest friends had packed up a few necessary possessions and returned to California. It had been months since Sunnydale had collapsed into the Hellmouth and they felt it was time to go back and face their losses before resuming the search for new slayers.  
  
On the night they arrived Buffy had the dream for the first time. She hadn't mentioned it to anyone then, assuming its presence was due to the prospect of visiting this place. Now she was glad to have her friends with her as she prepared to discover what it was really about. She glanced around to take inventory. Willow stood at a marker inscribed with Tara's name. Of course, none of the bodies were actually here, twenty miles from where Sunnydale once stood. They lay lost in the rubble of that town. It had seemed fitting to make a place to honor the ones who had fought so bravely against seemingly impossible odds. They had decided to include their loved ones as well, so of course there was a spot for Tara and for Jenny as well as Joyce. Andrew had even asked for a monument to be made for Jonathan. At least Spike wasn't the only male remembered here. Not that he would have minded.  
  
Buffy looked to her right, where Xander stood at Anya's marker. "Are you about ready to go Xan?"  
  
"In a minute," he murmured thoughtfully.  
  
She caught Willow's gaze and returned her sad smile. The two friends drew together and moved to collect Dawn, who was standing by the stone marked 'Amanda'. "All finished?" she asked her sister.  
  
"For now," Dawn replied. The three girls walked quietly to the car. "I miss Mom," Dawn's voice finally broke the silence.  
  
"I know Dawn," Buffy slipped her arm around her sister's waist. "I do too."  
  
"Dad hasn't even been here, has he?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Do you ever wonder.?" Dawn broke off, reluctant to finish her thought.  
  
"What?" Buffy urged her to continue, "Please, no more secrets."  
  
"It's just," Dawn chewed on her lower lip uncertainly, "don't you ever think about what our lives would have been like if our father had been more of a -"  
  
"- a father?" Buffy finished the thought. Dawn nodded and Buffy sighed. "All the time."  
  
"I know," Willow added, "Oh, not about the your father part, but about the what if part." She looked back at the spot she had stood a few moments before. "I've got my own pile of regrets," she said wistfully. "I lost out on so much time with Tara because of my own selfishness. I really thought I needed the magic for people to love me."  
  
"None of us are perfect Will," Buffy told her.  
  
"At least you never tried to blow up the world."  
  
"No," Buffy grinned, "just Principal Wood."  
  
Dawn chuckled softly, "He had it coming. He was mean to RJ, remember?"  
  
"I remember," Buffy smiled and tucked her arm through Willow's. "Fun times," she said.  
  
"Fun for you, maybe!" Dawn protested. "I was the one left out, remember? You were the one who got to make with the smoochies."  
  
"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Buffy teased, feeling lighter than she had in months. "C'mon, let's go. We've got a spell to do."  
  
The girls walked to the car.  
  
***  
  
"We had some fun times Anya," Xander whispered softly. "I'm so sorry for how I messed us up." He reached into his shirt pocket and found the hard round object there. He brought it out and looked at it. It was shining in the sunlight, the gold and diamond sparkling in the palm of his hand. "I know you weren't wearing this in the end, but it was always you for me. I never really told you this, but you were my best friend. The things we shared..." He paused as his voice threatened to break. "No one can ever replace you An."  
  
He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard Andrew approach. "I think we should sing a song," Andrew mentioned into Xander's ear.  
  
Xander jumped, "Don't sneak up on a guy like that. And I don't sing. At least not without a demonic spell attached."  
  
"I thought a song would be nice," Andrew said, "Something melancholy yet sweet, like 'Crazy'."  
  
"Andrew, that's a love song. A country love song."  
  
Andrew lifted his chin thoughtfully, "Yes, but it seems appropriate to sing since we are feeling lonely and blue and Jonathan used to hum it in the shower."  
  
"I'm not going to sing 'Crazy' with you."  
  
"Just try it. Come on. 'Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so looonnlyyyyyy'."  
  
"Stop it Andrew."  
  
"'I'm crazy for feeling soooo bluuuuuuuuue'."  
  
"Cut it out!"  
  
"Just a little bit Xander?"  
  
"No!"  
  
They walked away, continuing to debate the ditty. Xander didn't notice the absence of the ring, which had fallen from his hand and now lay in the grass beside Anya's memorial.  
  
***  
  
Giles made his way past the markers for the potentials, his hands in his pockets and his brow creased in thought. He'd carried a heavy burden of responsibility over the last few years, yet he still hadn't paid the price that these young girls had. They'd rushed to battle, unaware of the worth and fragility of their young lives. They understood the fight and the threat of death, but had they understood the real cost?  
  
He felt old.  
  
"Giles, are you ready?" he heard Dawn call.  
  
"Right, I'm on my way," he answered as the group began to load up in the cars. As he passed a marker, a glint of light caught his eye. This was Anya's spot. What was shining? He saw a gold band that wasn't completely obscured by the grass. He picked it up and recognized it. This had been her engagement ring. For a time during Willow's infamous 'forget' spell, they had all believed that he had given it to the feisty girl. Ha, the very thought of it. He grinned at the memory, then frowned again as he wondered how it had come to be here. Xander must have dropped it.  
  
He palmed the ring and slid it into the front pocket of his trousers. He'd return it to the boy later, when there weren't so many others around.  
  
He reached his car and slid into the driver's seat. They rode away, not completely sure where their lives would take them next.  
  
Buffy watched her friends. They were her family, really. Some were laughing and some were quiet and thoughtful. She understood each emotion she witnessed. It was good to feel connected again, especially with the losses that weighed on her heart. She wasn't alone.  
  
She laid her head against the leather-covered seat and closed her eyes and fell into a light, dreamless sleep. 


	4. Part 3

"Careful, Dawnie."  
  
"I'm always careful," Dawn retorted to Willow. She reached to close the door of the hotel room and jostled the box she carried. "Mostly always."  
  
"Don't drop that!" Willow reached out a steadying hand.  
  
"I've got it, I've got it," Dawn shifted the box onto her hip. "See? No problem." She took a quick glance at the contents. "All your little glass jars are still little glass jars. I told you it would be all right," she said smugly.  
  
"Sorry," Willow sighed. "It's just that this stuff is..."  
  
"...All combusty, I know."  
  
"I didn't mean to go all nervous Nelly on you. It's just that I want to make sure that nothing goes wrong with the spell. I don't exactly have a history of these things going according to plan."  
  
"You don't have to remind me."  
  
Buffy heard the girls talking and walked in from the adjoining room. "Did you get it all?"  
  
"Yes!" Willow picked up a small jar with a label that looked almost brown with age. "We finally found the Dithumen ashes. They were in this cute little pharmacy behind the Super Wal-Mart. I don't think the guy really knew what they were." She sat the jar on the dresser. "He didn't really have anything else that we could use, not like the Magic box used to."  
  
"What does it do?" Buffy asked. It just looked like normal ashes to her.  
  
"It enhances the dream experience. According to what Giles read, it will make the dream lucid, so that you should have some control over it."  
  
Dawn chimed in, "We were thinking that you could notice things that you've missed or even interact with the people in the dream and ask some questions."  
  
"But we have to be careful with it," Willow qualified. "It's really strong and a bit unstable."  
  
Buffy frowned and carefully lifted the jar, "Not to mention really, really old. Is there an expiration date on this stuff?" She wasn't comforted by Willow's avoidance of eye contact.  
  
"Well, um, we think it will be okay. Any Dithumen ashes are going to be old anyway since they all died out about four thousand years ago."  
  
"What else have you got in there?" Buffy peered into the box as Dawn set it down and began removing the contents. Buffy noted her sister's happy chattering and all-around sense of bounciness, and decided to tamp down her own personal qualms.  
  
"Here's a bottle of mineral oil, and candles of course. There's always candles." Dawn placed the objects on the dresser. "And then we have ground newt's feet and pretty crystals." She beamed. "Willow says that as soon as Giles is done with the translation we'll be ready to go."  
  
"Glad you're so happy about putting a hex on me." Buffy tried to settle the butterflies that were playing tag in her stomach.  
  
"Oh, it's not really a hex." Willow rushed to reassure her, "More like a charm. It shouldn't hurt a bit."  
  
"If you say so," Buffy replied dubiously.  
  
***  
  
Buffy tried to sit still and calm as she concentrated on thinking of anything that seemed innocuous. A blue sky and clouds were always good. Yes, puffy white clouds that made shapes like cats and elephants and sports cars. Not ominous gray clouds that looked like they were boiling in the sky, preparing to unleash their fury on the world below.  
  
~ Stop it Buffy. Happy thoughts. ~  
  
Trees. Trees were nice. Trees were pretty. Trees were also very helpful in the slaying of vampires with their wood and pointy hardness. Vampires were bad - or they were supposed to be bad. Somehow that line had become blurry. She scowled. No it hadn't. Vampires were still of the bad. Souled vampires were blurry.  
  
"Stop frowning Buffy, you're giving off bad karma."  
  
"Shut up Andrew."  
  
Buffy tried to clear her mind again. She tried to block out the breathing of the people who sat surrounding her, but she could tell that they were all there looking at her. It was not a comfortable feeling. Again she tried to shut it out and think of something else. She tried not to think about the yucky sensation of the oil that Willow had smeared on her forehead.  
  
Willow walked slowly around the group assembled on the floor. They sat with hands linked, surrounding Buffy. She held the book in front of her and squinted at the tiny scribbles that were Giles' translation of the obscure text.  
  
"Let all present here bear witness to my petition. Let them hear my words and let us all agree."  
  
She paused and picked up the jar of newt and sprinkled the powder lightly on the floor around the circle as she walked.  
  
"Let the dreamer see, Let the mystery be known."  
  
She stopped again and this time picked up the jar of ashes. She took a small pinch and threw it onto the fat candle that was placed in front of Buffy. The flame surged with a loud hiss and turned purple before extinguishing. A wisp of fragrant smoke floated to the ceiling.  
  
"It's done!" Willow announced.  
  
"That's it?" Xander questioned, "This kind of spell I can live with."  
  
"How do you feel?" Dawn asked Buffy.  
  
Buffy considered this. Head still intact, check. Feet still on the floor, check. Skin still peachy-colored, check. "I'm fine," she turned to Giles, "So now what?"  
  
"So now you go to sleep," he told her.  
  
"Check." Buffy yawned. Sleep, she could handle. 


	5. Part 4

Buffy woke slowly and stretched as she lay in her bed. Her back and shoulders popped satisfyingly. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she slowly sat up. She hadn't slept so well in ages. Her night had been devoid of the doubts and worries that constantly assailed her. Her rest had been deep and dreamless.  
  
~ Dreamless? ~  
  
A frown creased her brow as she tried to force her mind to recall the night and her dream of dying lovers. It was no use. There was nothing. With a sigh of disappointment she rose from the bed and dressed. Willow and Dawn were already up and about. She might as well find them and break the news that things hadn't gone as planned. It was probably those moldery old ashes. They'd have to try the spell again.  
  
Finally ready, she knocked on the door that connected to Giles' room. He greeted her with an inquiring gaze and a cup of tea, then ushered her into his room.  
  
"Well, what did you discover?"  
  
Buffy sighed and flopped down on the hotel issue armchair. "Nothing. I didn't dream."  
  
"That's curious," Giles took a sip from the small cup in his hand. "No dream at all?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Just good old-fashioned sleeping. I didn't even hear Dawn snore."  
  
Giles' face lit up with a smile. "It must have been a sound sleep indeed. I've always thought that girl's snoring must be inherited from her mother."  
  
"Huh?" Buffy wasn't sure what he was talking about. "Mom didn't..."  
  
There was a knock on the connecting door. Giles deposited his cup on a small table beside the bed and went to answer it.  
  
"Ah Willow, come in. Buffy and I were just discussing her dream."  
  
"Lack of," Buffy interjected. She hoped Willow wouldn't suggest a re-do.  
  
"Really?" Willow asked, "No dream?"  
  
"Nothing. Not even a little something." Buffy sighed, "Just sleep."  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Willow blurted out, her eyes welling up with tears. "What could have gone wrong?" she asked Giles.  
  
Giles patted the witch's shoulder. "We'll just have to check over the incantation and ingredients again."  
  
"This is just so horrible for Buffy." Willow was beginning to sob, "She's so confused and needing our help. We have to help her!"  
  
"And we will," Giles assured her. "I know you did your best."  
  
"My best? MY best?" Willow began to bawl in earnest. "That's the problem!"  
  
Buffy was mystified. What was the deal? "Hey, it's okay Will. Really! Nobody is growing horns or turning demony. It could have been worse. At least I finally got a good night's rest."  
  
Willow crumpled to the ground and buried her face in her hands. Buffy couldn't make out anything she was saying between sniffs and snorts and hiccups. She sidled over to Giles. "What is going on with her Giles? I haven't seen her like this since she tried to destroy the world."  
  
"She'll be fine Buffy. It's just Willow."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
She watched Giles slap his palms together and rub them back and forth in anticipation. "Well then, are we ready for breakfast? I believe we're to meet the others downstairs."  
  
"What about Willow?"  
  
"She'll be fine." He leaned over the girl who was still crying on the floor. "Willow, you're distressing Buffy. Come along now."  
  
Buffy watched her miserable best friend look up at her, then to Giles. "Oh, I'm sorry!" Willow stood up and pulled awkwardly at her skirt. "I didn't mean to make such a scene," she took a deep, quavering breath. "We can go. Everyone is waiting."  
  
"Are you sure you're all right Willow? Because this." Buffy gestured helplessly, "this is just a little weird."  
  
"Peachy!" Willow said. "Let me get the door for you." She opened the door and waved Buffy through. "Are you coming, Giles?"  
  
"Be right there," he replied. He paused at the mirror to straighten his tie, smooth his hair, and then leaned forward to check his teeth. He finally seemed satisfied and joined the girls with a big smile. "Very well. Let's be going."  
  
"I thought that was tea you were drinking," Buffy told him.  
  
"Why yes, indeed it was. Why do you ask?"  
  
"You just seem to be all pip pip and tally-ho this morning."  
  
"Why thank you, dear girl." Giles smiled broadly, adjusted his glasses, and then closed the door behind them as they stepped into the hall. 


	6. Part 5

Buffy approached the breakfast table hoping that a little food on her stomach would help to settle the feeling that something wasn't right. Xander, Andrew and Dawn were already there. Dawn was looking over a menu while the men appeared to be studying a magazine.  
  
"Hi," Buffy chirped as she sat down in a seat next to Xander. "How did everyone.?" She stopped speaking, stunned as she saw Giles walk behind Dawn and kiss her on the top of her head before sitting next to her. "Uhh."  
  
Giles looked over to her. "You were saying, Buffy?"  
  
"I, uh, I." she stammered, "I was wondering if everyone slept okay."  
  
"Great!" Dawn said. "Did you have your dream again?"  
  
"Unfortunately, no." Buffy felt everyone's eyes turn toward her. "I guess the spell was a dud. Maybe those Dippyman ashes were past their expiration date."  
  
"We could do it again," Andrew stated. "I could summon a Dithumen demon and Willow could fry him with her laser touch."  
  
Xander giggled and punched Andrew on the arm. "Laser touch. That's a good one!"  
  
Andrew punched him back and a pushing match ensued. Both were issued laughs that sounded to Buffy's ears like chickens. Very loud, annoying chickens.  
  
Buffy spared a glance toward Willow to see if the joking was going to bring on another fit of hysterics. She was relieved to see Willow chatting calmly with Giles over the menu. They were interrupted by Dawn, who tapped Giles on the arm to claim his attention.  
  
"Can I get a side order of strawberries? They're not in season."  
  
"Sure, dear," Giles told her.  
  
"Thanks!" she told him.  
  
"Dawn," Buffy blurted, "How much extra is that going to cost? I'm kind of in a fixed state of not making any money here."  
  
Giles and Dawn stopped chatting and stared at her. Buffy squirmed. "What?" she asked.  
  
Giles cleared his throat. "Buffy, are you certain that you're feeling well? You don't seem to be quite yourself this morning."  
  
"Me?" she squeaked. Were they nuts? "You think I'm acting strange?"  
  
"In a word, yes." Giles removed his glasses, wiped them on his napkin, and then returned them to his face. "Why in heaven's name would I expect you to pay for Dawn?"  
  
Buffy could barely form the words to answer him. "Be. because she's my responsibility!" She knew her mouth was gaping, but couldn't quite bring herself to close it. "What is the deal with you guys this morning?"  
  
Xander and Andrew stopped their tussling. "Buffy," Xander said as he touched her arm, "I know that in the past you've had the weight of the world on your shoulders, but now these other girls have your powers too. I thought you might be able to relax." He gestured around the table. "Look, we're all in a good place right now. Kick back a little, have some fun."  
  
"Relax?" Buffy couldn't keep the squeak out of her voice, "There are still demons out there that need to be slain, and. and the world to save."  
  
"She's right!" Willow agreed. "We can't sit here wallowing in our own happiness when we could be out there helping people." Tears began to pool in her eyes again. "What can we do?"  
  
Giles motioned with his hand for them to calm down and spoke soothingly to Buffy, "I think we need to have some breakfast and enjoy our morning. We don't need to be working on theoretical disasters." He leaned back in his chair, his expression that of a man who had found perfect contentment. "Personally I'm looking forward to this day. All that is missing is."  
  
"Anya!" Xander exclaimed.  
  
Buffy whipped her head around to look at him. "What?"  
  
Xander ignored her as he stood to greet the woman they'd left dead in the rubble of Sunnydale. He embraced her lightly then sat down as she moved around the table to greet the others.  
  
Buffy blinked to clear her eyes, but Anya was still there, carrying shopping bags and looking completely alive and vibrant.  
  
"Hey Anya!" Dawn squealed and jumped up to embrace the woman. "Are any of those for me?" She looked with curiosity at the bags.  
  
"Of course sweetie. You know I'd never go on a shopping trip without buying you something completely devastating and inappropriate." She handed the bags to Dawn. "Besides, It's always more fun to spend the money when I get to use your father's credit card."  
  
"But but but..." Buffy sputtered. "Giles! It's Anya."  
  
"I can see that," Giles replied in a voice brimming with humor. He turned away from Buffy and stood to greet Anya with his arms extended.  
  
To Buffy's dismay, Anya stepped readily into his embrace, sliding her hands up his arms and around his neck. Giles grasped her by her waist and pulled her body into full contact with his, then proceeded to devour her lips enthusiastically.  
  
Buffy turned to see Xander's reaction to this, but he and Andrew once again had their noses buried in the latest edition of Popular Science. Willow was smiling broadly and Dawn was chattering about the new low-rider jeans and leather boots she had discovered. "Willow," Buffy finally blurted, "will you please tell me what is going on here?"  
  
"Isn't it great?" Willow asked her, "They're so happy! Everyone is happy."  
  
"Happy. Right." Buffy sank slowly back into her chair and put her hand to her head. "But I'm not feeling so good."  
  
"Oh no Buffy! Maybe you should go back upstairs and lay down. I could call a doctor."  
  
"No," Buffy said, "No doctor. Maybe... maybe if I go back to sleep and I wake up everything will make sense." She stood and backed away from the table. "I'll just be going now and I guess I'll see you all later." She waved feebly, then escaped to the sanctuary of her room. 


	7. Part 6

The cool washcloth felt soothing to Buffy's pounding forehead. Distantly she could hear Willow nattering on about feeling sorry for messing up the spell and stewing over how to fix Buffy's problem. She heard a knock on the outside door followed by Willow's footsteps and the sound of Giles' voice.  
  
"Is she any better?"  
  
"I don't know. She's mostly been quiet, but I don't think she's sleeping."  
  
From the foot of the bed she detected the familiar sound of her Watcher clearing his throat.  
  
"Ahem, Buffy."  
  
She peeked at him from under the cloth.  
  
"How are you feeling now?"  
  
"It depends," she muttered. "Are you still making with the Anya smoochies?"  
  
Giles blushed slightly. "Well, I guess you could say that, though Anya is unpacking now."  
  
Buffy sat up. "Where?"  
  
"In my room, of course. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Because it isn't right!"  
  
"Buffy?" Anya had opened the connecting door and walked into the room without knocking. At least that wasn't anything different from the usual. "Are you lecturing Rupie on his sexual behavior? Because a girl who has slept with not one, but two vampires has no room to throw stones."  
  
"I'm not throwing... I mean," Buffy took a deep breath, "I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you and how you're here and not dead."  
  
"Rupert, make her stop. She wants me dead." Anya crossed her arms and glared at Buffy. "I think she's jealous."  
  
Giles shook his head, "I sure that's not the case, dear. You know that Buffy is like a daughter to me."  
  
"Well I don't get any of this backtalk from your real daughter. She likes me and we make jokes and talk about boys and occasionally beat on Andrew together. She's fun. Buffy hates me. She stabbed me through the chest, you know."  
  
Buffy gasped at the unfairness of it all. "Only because you'd just committed mass murder!"  
  
"Buffy," Giles began in his favorite placating tone.  
  
"Oh don't you even start!" Buffy wagged a finger at him. "Wait a minute," said Buffy, realizing what Anya had just said. "Daughter? You have a daughter now?"  
  
"Ha!" Anya interjected, "Jealousy. I told you!"  
  
"It isn't jealousy," Buffy gritted out slowly. "Giles has never had a daughter and now everyone is acting like he does. Who is she anyway?" Suddenly Buffy realized what she hadn't understood earlier. "Dawn?" she gasped. "You think Dawn is your daughter?"  
  
Willow moved over to Buffy. "Don't you remember anything?" she asked. She began to wring her hands. "I knew it. Something went wrong with the spell. We need to fix it." She turned her big green eyes to Giles. "I think maybe she's stuck in a dream world of some kind."  
  
Giles removed his glasses. "This would appear to be an alternate reality of sorts."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes in frustration, "It isn't me. It's you!"  
  
"All of us?" Giles asked her. "Buffy, try to concentrate. What are the chances that we are all experiencing a common temporal distortion and you alone are not?"  
  
Buffy rose from the bed and paced furiously around the room. "Is it really all of you?" She stopped walking. "What about Xander? He seemed to be mostly normal. Where is he?"  
  
"Where else?" Anya said. "He's playing that stupid video game with Andrew. The one with the beautiful woman with impossibly large bosom who searches for artifacts."  
  
"Aha!" Buffy pointed at her. "You're wrong again! Xander doesn't play those games."  
  
"Perhaps you should sit down again," Giles told her in that overly gentle tone that grated on her nerves. "Willow, why don't you ask the boys to come over so we can all work this out?"  
  
"Oh, okay!" Willow bustled out of the room, apparently ecstatic over being asked to do a favor by Giles.  
  
"What's with her anyway?" Buffy asked, "she's like the queen of the mood swingers."  
  
"You know how empathetic she is, Buffy. She hates seeing you distressed in any way, but she loves to be helpful. I do believe she's the most unselfish girl I've ever encountered."  
  
"Willow?" Buffy laid down again and covered her eyes with the now dry and warm cloth. She loved Willow as much as anyone, but unselfish was not exactly one of the more accurate descriptive words for the witch. Giles in particular had always been big on pointing that out to her. That he was now extolling her praises was out of character. Buffy sat up with a start. "That's it."  
  
"What's it?" Anya asked her rudely, "I wish you'd stop waffling back and forth. You have a headache then you don't. There are things I'd rather do than sit and watch you bounce around on your bed. I'd like to go and bounce around on my bed. With my fiancé." She took Giles' hand and pulled him toward the connecting door. "Like now. Naked."  
  
"Oh, well yes, of course," Giles stammered and blushed.  
  
"See?" Buffy stood and pointed at Giles. "There's the proof. He isn't Giles!"  
  
"Of course he's Giles."  
  
"No, he's not. He's too... too perky. Giles is never perky. He's perkless. Plus Giles would know that Dawn isn't his daughter and that you're dead."  
  
Anya crossed her arms and glared at Buffy. "Of all the nerve! If I'm so dead why are you wasting your incredible superior Slayer breath and talking to me?"  
  
"I... I don't know." Buffy sat down on her bed again, deflated, just as Willow returned with Xander, Andrew and Dawn. As Xander smiled at her in greeting her mood lightened again. The familiar goofy grin was reassuring, as was his concern for her.  
  
"Hey Buff, feeling better?"  
  
"I think so." Buffy's smile felt tight, but she really was glad to see him. "Will you please explain to Giles that what he is saying is impossible? He thinks that he is marrying Anya and that Dawn is his daughter." Her optimism began to wilt and die as she noted the long look Xander exchanged with Giles. She eyed Xander warily as he moved over to sit beside her. She also noticed Dawn as she quietly moved over to stand beside Giles. The girl looked perfectly comfortable as he draped his arm gently across her shoulders. Buffy's dismay and frustration joined together in her chest as a tight, hot knot. Her breath caught and tears burned along the rims of her eyes. "Please," she begged, "someone just..."  
  
Xander held her. "What Buffy? What can we do?"  
  
"Someone tell me that I'm not crazy, or that I'm still in my own world. I just don't know how this..." She lost her train of thought as she noticed Anya caressing Giles' shoulder. The diamond in her ring glinted in the morning light that flooded the room. She felt a stirring of hope.  
  
"Xander," she pulled back to study his face, "will you tell me something?"  
  
"Sure, what?"  
  
"Are Anya and Giles engaged?"  
  
"Yes, they've been together for a while now. Almost two years."  
  
"And you're okay with that?"  
  
"Oh sure. I was all wrong for her, all hung up on the demon thing. I broke her heart and she's better off now. Happier."  
  
Buffy smiled in genuine relief. "Good! Then tell me one more thing."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"If Anya is marrying Giles, why is she wearing your ring?"  
  
Xander was stunned into silence. His dark eyes filled with confusion as he searched for a way to answer her.  
  
Buffy stood and moved to stand in front of Dawn. "And if Dawn isn't my sister," she turned to Giles, "then who is her mother?"  
  
She looked around the room at the identical astounded expressions on the faces of everyone there.  
  
"Now, somebody tell me that I'm wrong." Buffy crossed her arms and tapped her foot.  
  
"I'm waiting."  
  
*** 


	8. Part 7

***  
  
"This is so cool," Andrew said to Xander as he munched on his Funyuns and watched everybody else in the room grasp for answers. "It reminds me of that 'Next Generation' episode when the Holodeck took over the whole ship."  
  
"Good one!" Xander offered his hand in a high-five. "They should have never trusted the Holodeck."  
  
"Will you two please stop it and help me come up with some answers?" Buffy snapped. "We're getting nowhere."  
  
"I'm hungry," Dawn whined. "Can't we just stop and order a pizza?"  
  
"How can you eat at a time like this?" Buffy wanted to know. "I want to fix this."  
  
"What's to fix?" Dawn asked airily. "It seems to me that the only person who has a problem with anything is you."  
  
"What?!" Buffy couldn't believe her ears. "You don't have a problem with this? Things are not right!"  
  
"For you, maybe," Dawn answered sullenly. "You always go around all bossy with everyone and having to have things your own way. You bug Dad all the time and now you don't want him to marry Anya. I wish you'd just go away!"  
  
Buffy's mouth dropped open in shock. "Dawn, how can you say that? You're my sister!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too!" Buffy stopped and shook her head to clear her thoughts. They were getting way off track here. She didn't have time to get in a quibbling match with Dawn, who couldn't even remember why they always quibbled.  
  
"Willow," Buffy pleaded, "help me! We've got to get this right again."  
  
"I... I want to help you Buffy, of course."  
  
"This had to be caused by the spell."  
  
Willow's lip began to tremble. "Do you really think so? I'm so sorry..."  
  
"Don't start Willow," Buffy warned her, "it won't help. We've got to be calm and rational."  
  
Willow tried to smile. "I can do rational. Watch me. Rational girl here."  
  
"Okay then, what could have gone wrong?"  
  
"I don't know!" Willow burst into tears and ran into the bathroom.  
  
Buffy turned to Giles. "This is going well."  
  
"Perhaps," Giles squirmed uncomfortably, "perhaps we all need some time to... to adjust. This is really quite disconcerting."  
  
"No, we don't need time. We need to fix this. Now."  
  
"Then you fix it Miss I-Wanna-Be-The-Boss," Anya told her after stepping between Buffy and Giles. "You're the only one who seems to be making a case about this and now you've gone and upset Willow. Again." She turned and strode to the door leading to the other room. "I'm going to unpack and order room service and see if Oprah is on. She's supposed to have Dr. Phil on today."  
  
Giles brightened. "Dr. Phil? I'll be right there dear. Buffy, you understand that I need to think this through, don't you?" He gently took her arm. "I promise that I will sit down with you later and get to the bottom of this. It could be that things are irrevocably changed. If that's the case we might be better off not making matters worse." He turned and left, closing the connecting door and leaving her staring at its gray starkness.  
  
"Worse? He thinks this can get worse?" she muttered under her breath. She watched Dawn stride over to the phone and start punching numbers. "Who are you calling?"  
  
"I'm ordering a pizza."  
  
"You know I don't like you to eat pizza."  
  
"Who cares what you think?" Dawn stuck her tongue out at Buffy and proceeded to order a large supreme.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and wondered why whatever had made Dawn into Giles' daughter hadn't bothered to tweak her personality a little. If Giles had a daughter, wouldn't she be pleasant or just a little more agreeable? At the very least she should have an English accent. This was just Dawn with different supervision.  
  
She turned at the sound of the television blaring out the theme to "Dr. Who".  
  
"See? I told you it was on at eleven-thirty," Andrew stated.  
  
"Great," said Xander. "If you hadn't remembered we'd have missed it. When is the marathon?"  
  
"Not until next week. We should have a party. It would be cool. I was thinking that we could have English snacks."  
  
"What kind of English snacks?" Xander asked.  
  
"Like scones and crumpets."  
  
Xander leered, "I could go for an English crumpet."  
  
"Oh, I get it." Andrew let out a snort and they both commenced with the strange giggling again as they sat on the end of the bed to watch some guy in a long scarf and really crazy curly hair move around the lamest set Buffy had ever seen. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, then moved to the bathroom door.  
  
"Willow, are you all right in there? Because me out here with the nerd brigade and you in there with the mood swings is not of the helpful."  
  
The door opened almost immediately. "Hi Buffy! All better now, see?" Willow flashed a big, toothy smile and hopeful eyes at Buffy.  
  
"Good," Buffy sighed, "then let's try to figure something out here without becoming emotional. Can we do that?"  
  
"Of course. Whatever you need."  
  
Buffy considered moving back into the room for the discussion, but between the pouting teen sitting on one bed and the geek patrol on the other, she decided that the bathroom was a better bet. "Sit down," she indicated the closed toilet to Willow, and then perched on the edge of the bathtub.  
  
She took a deep breath. "Willow, I want you to think over the spell and tell me what you think might have gone wro..." Buffy stopped herself to rephrase, "what you think could have happened to have changed things."  
  
Willow's forehead crinkled in thought, as her large eyes seemed to study the walls of the small room. "It was a simple spell. It only had a few ingredients, and those were clearly marked. The incantation was simple too. I don't see what could have gone wrong." Willow bit her lip nervously. "Buffy, are you absolutely sure that the spell did go wrong? Really, are things that messed up?"  
  
"Well let's see," Buffy began to count the points on her fingers, "Anya isn't dead, Giles is acting like he's had an overdose of Prozac, Xander has been geekified and Dawn is Dawn, but she's Giles' daughter and not my sister at all." Buffy paused, "Is she still a former big blob of energy?"  
  
"You mean the key?" Willow asked. "Yeah, there was the whole Glory thing with the Knights and crazy people and you dying."  
  
Buffy frowned. "That doesn't make any sense."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Buffy thought carefully before answering. Why were some thing so different and others the same? It seemed that everyone had the same memories of each other, but the relationships were just skewed somehow. The two realities just didn't add up. "Because the only reason I could die in Dawn's place was because she was made from me, because she was my sister. Don't you see? This doesn't fit. The monks sent her to me because I could protect her. Why would they send her to Giles? Giles was the one who wanted to kill her!"  
  
Willow began to look distressed again, so Buffy changed the subject. "What about Anya?"  
  
"What about her?" Willow asked. "Why do you keep saying that she's dead?"  
  
"Don't you remember the fight in the Hellmouth?"  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
"Anya never came out of the school, did she?"  
  
Willow shook her head.  
  
"And remember what we've been doing all this time? We've been traveling all over the country finding Slayers. Was Anya with us?"  
  
"No." Willow's voice was soft and her eyes didn't meet Buffy's.  
  
"So where did she come from?"  
  
Willow lifted her head and took a shaky breath. "I guess we need to go talk to Giles."  
  
Buffy hugged her friend. "Thank you Willow." Buffy pulled back. "I've got one more favor to ask."  
  
"Anything, Buffy."  
  
"You knock."  
  
Willow's face dropped. "Do I hafta?"  
  
*** 


	9. Part 8

Buffy studied Giles' back as he looked out the window of his room. She tried not to notice his mussed up hair or the rumpliness of his clothes. Some things were just too icky to dwell on.  
  
He'd been quiet and thoughtful ever since she and Willow had shared their insights with him. Buffy had tried to engage him in conversation a few times since they'd finished, but he would just nod absently and murmur something unintelligible. Anya was more vocal, unfortunately.  
  
"Why do you always do this Buffy? Why do you serve as nothing more than a big happiness vacuum, determined to suck the joy out of everything? First it was with Xander and all the 'Blahdy blah she's not good enough for you blah'."  
  
"I never said that!" Buffy defended, but Anya continued as though she hadn't said a word.  
  
"Then you went through your weepy, 'I was in heaven let's all cry for me because life stinks' pity trip. Now it's, 'I feel left out because I'm not the center of everyone's world so why don't I just ruin everyone else's life?'"  
  
Buffy gasped, "I can't believe you! I'm just trying to fix what's wrong!"  
  
"What is wrong, Buffy? Tell me. Look around here and tell me who has a problem -- besides you, that is?"  
  
"Anya, don't you remember the fight at the school?"  
  
"Sure I remember. I was the one up there fighting with no superpowers because you insisted that I had to give up the vengeance gig."  
  
"I did not! That was your decision."  
  
"Whatever." Anya crossed her arms and turned her face away.  
  
Willow cleared her throat and tried to reason with the woman, "Um, Anya, can you tell me what you do remember about the fight? What happened at the school and... and after?"  
  
Anya spared one last acidic glare at Buffy before answering Willow. "Oh, I don't know. We were fighting with swords and there were Ubervamps and Bringers and Andrew was cornered, then..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Then it was over and I was with you all and everything was great."  
  
"How... how did you get out? Of the school, I mean."  
  
Anya fidgeted. "I don't know. I must have been knocked out or something." She sat up and looked over toward Giles. "But then I was here with Rupie and we're happy and we're going to get married." She held up her hand. "See?"  
  
"You're right," Giles said. He turned around, his hand massaging his forehead. "You're absolutely correct Buffy. None of this makes sense. I guess I was too tied up in my... in this situation. I just didn't want to question..."  
  
"I understand," Buffy told him. "I only want to find out what happened."  
  
Giles sat on the bed beside Anya and put his arm around her and kissed her temple. She seemed to melt against him. "I suppose we need to discover where this... this alternate existence... we need to know when it began."  
  
"We've gone over the spell," Willow told him, "and it doesn't seem as though anything could have happened there."  
  
"What about if we try to go back to the last time we knew things were..." she glanced at Anya, "the other way." Buffy thought back to the previous day. "I remember that I had the dream and we all talked about it."  
  
"Yes," said Willow, "then we went to visit the memorials."  
  
"The memorials? What memorials?" Anya asked.  
  
Giles frowned. "It's where we all went to pay our respects..." He looked into the connected room. "Xander," he called, "would you join us?"  
  
"Sure," he called back. Buffy heard his voice before he appeared on the doorway. "What's up?"  
  
"Do you recall what we did yesterday?"  
  
"Sure. Breakfast, lunch, visited the graveyard, dinner and spell." Andrew and Dawn had joined them from the other room and nodded their agreement.  
  
"Great!" Buffy felt a wave of relief. "We're all on the same page with that."  
  
"So then what?" Willow asked.  
  
Giles tightened his grip on Anya. "That's why I wanted Xander in here. I believe that Xander visited..."  
  
"Anya!" Xander's eyes widened as realization set in. "I wanted to say goodbye to her since I couldn't... after the school... I mean..."  
  
Andrew patted his back reassuringly. "I remember too. We sang our song to Anya and Jonathan. It was a fitting tribute."  
  
"'Crazy' is a fitting tribute?" Xander asked him. "And what's this we? I didn't sing. I..." He frowned.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked him. "What did you do?"  
  
"I just. well I talked. I looked at her ring. I tried to get Andrew to shut up."  
  
"The ring," Giles noted. "What did you do with it?"  
  
"I think it put it back in my pocket."  
  
"No, you dropped it. You must have."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I saw it lying there and I picked it up. It was in my pocket."  
  
Buffy studied Anya. "Then how did it get onto her hand? And why is she even here?"  
  
"Hey!" Anya protested.  
  
"It... it's a good question, dear. As much as it pains me to admit it, you really were... you were deceased."  
  
Buffy looked toward Dawn, who was leaning insolently against the doorframe. "Dawn, you were with me at Mom's grave. Do you remember that?"  
  
"Yes," Dawn said sullenly. She wouldn't look Buffy in the eye.  
  
"So now we all know that was real," Buffy said. "And we came back here and did the spell that was supposed to make my dream more legit."  
  
"Lucid," Giles corrected.  
  
"Except I didn't have any dreams."  
  
"No dreams at all?" Giles asked her. "Why, even I had a dream last night."  
  
"Me too!" Willow said. "Mine was kinda scary."  
  
"I had a great dream," Dawn said.  
  
"Oh, me too!" Andrew said, "Xander and I were best friends and we banded together to rid the world of corrupt software distributors everywhere."  
  
"Hey, I dreamed that we were business partners and had made a bundle designing X-Box games!" Xander added.  
  
"That's so cool!" Andrew said.  
  
"And it explains where all that money came from," Xander said.  
  
"What money?" Buffy asked.  
  
Xander threw his arm around Andrew's shoulders. "We're millionaires," he stated proudly.  
  
"It rocks," Andrew added.  
  
"I had a dream," Dawn added quietly. "I dreamed that I wasn't alone. I had a family. I had a father who really cared about me and I belonged and I was happy."  
  
"That's a nice dream, Dawn," Willow told her.  
  
"What about yours?" Buffy asked. "You said it was scary."  
  
"Yes," Willow nodded, "I dreamed that I had to face these mystical judges over how I had abused my powers. They told me that I'd used what I had been given selfishly and that everybody in my life was doomed unless I changed. I had to start putting everyone else first."  
  
"And for this you've turned into Susan Lucci?" Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to Giles. "And what about you?"  
  
Giles removed his glassed and rubbed his eyes. "I dreamt that I had everything I ever wanted." Buffy couldn't miss the soft fragility of his voice. "I was in love and I had a family." His voice trailed off softly and he replaced his glasses. "I think... I think it was because of that ring. I remembered..."  
  
"The other spell." Anya placed her hand over his. "You remembered the spell where we were engaged before.  
  
"Yes, that's right." Giles looked into her eyes and a schoolboy smile crept across his face. "And now it's somehow true."  
  
"I don't get it," Buffy said. "This spell was supposed to affect me, and it wasn't going to make my dream real. Willow?" she asked her friend.  
  
"We've already gone over the spell, and there was nothing that could have gone wrong. Except..." She looked over to Giles. "Maybe the incantation?"  
  
"I'll get the book." Giles stood and moved to a box positioned in the corner of the room. "Perhaps we can find some clue there."  
  
As he thumbed through the pages Willow looked anxiously over his arm. They found the page that Giles had marked the previous day and scanned over the words penned there.  
  
"The translation is clear," Giles said. "This was simple Latin."  
  
"And I did all these things in the right order," Willow said. "Here are the ingredients and I put the oil on her forehead, then we sat in the circle..."  
  
"What did you say?" Giles interrupted. "About the oil, what did you say?"  
  
"I said I put it on Buffy's forehead. Like you wrote here." Her finger traced over the words Giles had scribbled by the original text.  
  
"That doesn't say 'her forehead'," Giles stated. "It clearly reads, 'Put the oil on their four heads'."  
  
Willow squinted her eyes and looked at the words again. "Giles, has anyone ever told you that your handwriting looks like mushy squiggles?"  
  
"Often," he sighed. "Apparently we've found our problem."  
  
"This was caused by oil?" Buffy asked.  
  
"It's all in the placement, Buffy," Anya told her. "Oil on the head works as a mystical protectant - a sort of magic condom. The witnesses use the oil so that the spell is directed toward the right person. I always had to keep it on hand at the magic shop."  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. "So the fact that I was smeared with this stuff and you guys weren't..."  
  
"Means the spell affected the wrong people," Giles finished.  
  
"And you were all in a circle with your hands joined," Willow added.  
  
"Which means the power was magnified four-fold," Giles concluded. "The dreams didn't become more lucid, they became real."  
  
"Wow!" Andrew exclaimed, "I can be what I dream!"  
  
Buffy confronted Giles. "You did the translation and you didn't notice this little glitch WHY?"  
  
"I was. um. distracted," Giles began. "I'd just realized that I still had Xander's ring in my pocket and I was trying to decided the most. er. prudent way to return it to him. Then we were onto the spell and I guess it just." Giles shook his head resignedly. "It just didn't register. I'm. I'm sorry."  
  
Buffy softened in the face of his remorse. "Look, it's done. At this point it really doesn't matter how it happened. But now that we know what caused this we can fix it, right?"  
  
"Fix what?" Anya interjected. "Exactly what is broken, Buffy? Are you upset that your friends are happy?"  
  
"No!" Buffy protested. "It's just that." She broke off as Anya's words penetrated. They really were all happy, except for Willow. But Willow wasn't exactly miserable either. And how often lately had she worried about Giles being alone? He thought he kept it hidden, but she knew. She had seen it in the droop of his shoulders and the weariness of his eyes. Then there was Anya. They argued. A lot. But that didn't mean Buffy wanted her dead - or even gone, for that matter. Buffy turned and studied her sister's expression. Dawn looked frightened. Buffy knew that Dawn had worried that she didn't really belong. She watched as Giles crossed over to Dawn and placed his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, resting her head on his tweedy shoulder. In this reality Dawn had a real dad who really loved her.  
  
"So what are we saying here?" Buffy asked. "Are you are telling me that we should just leave this alone? Can we leave it alone?"  
  
Giles sighed heavily, "I'm just not certain at this point, Buffy. I'd. I'd like to think on it."  
  
"What about you?" Buffy asked Willow. For the last year you've been telling me about what you learned from the coven in England - about how everything is connected and part of the bigger picture Like, somehow when I dust a vamp in California, an angel gets its wings or something. Right?" Buffy took a deep breath. "If that's how it is then what is this doing to all the big karmac reality? Shouldn't we fix it because it's the right thing to do?"  
  
Willow's eyes were huge as she looked back at Buffy. "How can I, Buffy? How can I take this away from them?" Her chin wobbled and she looked as though she was on the verge of crying again, but struggling to control her emotions. "This thing that has happened to me, it's made me see that I can't try to control other people's lives like I used to do. They want it like this and it... it would kill me to change this against their will." Her voice shook. "Now you're getting upset and this is all my fault! I don't know what to do..."  
  
"Willow," Buffy began.  
  
"No, you don't understand." Willow was beginning to panic. "I can't stand it when I cause other people pain and what you're asking me to do..." She broke off on a gulp. "I. I just can't."  
  
Buffy stood silently in the midst of the people she loved and studied their faces. "Then what you're all telling me is that this is the way it's going to be."  
  
"Yes," Dawn said firmly. "It's what I want."  
  
"And me!" Anya added. "This is definitely preferable to decomposing in the Hellmouth."  
  
"What about you, Xander?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Buffy, you guys are my family - way more than my parents ever were. And now I have money and a best friend."  
  
"Aww," Andrew said. He moved over to the other man and wrapped his arms around his waist to hug him tightly. "I love you, Xander."  
  
"You're okay too."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Uh, Andrew? You can let go now."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"Please," Buffy begged. "We. we have to think about this. We can't just say that this is all right and it's how we're going to be now! I can't believe you are actually saying this. We have to consider changing it back, don't we?"  
  
Willow dried her eyes and patted Buffy's arm. "It'll be all right. We're all here and we're all still together. That's what matters, isn't it?"  
  
Buffy felt ill. This was completely out of her control. "Well, I guess we'll find out." She knew she'd failed to keep the resignation out of her voice. She wanted to be happy for her friends, but something inside of her couldn't let go of the knowledge that this was not the way things were supposed to be and that no good could come of it. For the past eight years she had fought as a chosen warrior against wrongness, and these people had been there with her through it all. If they felt so strongly that this was right then maybe it really was. If so, then why was she finding it so hard to convince herself?  
  
Quietly she left Giles' room and retreated to the stillness of her own.  
  
***** 


	10. Part 9

Buffy strolled casually through the dark cemetery, her shoulders relaxed and her feet moving in what was almost a shuffle. If anyone had been present to watch her, they would have thought her oblivious to her surroundings. The cemetery was silent - deceptively so. She paused to roll her shoulders and her neck, sighing softly as they popped in relief. It felt good to be out patrolling. Her return to this formerly regular activity was the only thing that made her feel grounded these days.  
  
Nothing had changed over the course of the past two weeks. Everyone was still clinging determinedly to this new reality. Xander had selflessly financed their stay at the hotel by renting all of their rooms for a month. Giles and Anya had been upgraded to a suite, which suited Buffy just fine, since she didn't relish hearing all the disturbing sounds that had begun to emanate from their room. She tried to be happy for her friends. They were so content now.   
  
She hadn't felt this alone since...  
  
No, she wasn't going to go there. Dredging up two year old memories wouldn't help. Besides, this situation was different. Nobody had done this to her, this had just happened and now she needed to deal. It wasn't as though her life had changed for the worse or that anyone was being harmed. It seemed as though they had moved on with their lives - everyone except her.  
  
She didn't have to patrol alone, but it was better than asking them along, only to feel more alone with them than she did without them. Sometimes Giles tagged along and occasionally managed to convince Anya to stay back at the hotel. It felt good to patrol with him, except for the times when he seemed to be distracted and impatient to return to the hotel in case he was needed. Whatever.  
  
Andrew and Xander had come along a few times, but they spent so much time dreaming up new ideas and cracking each other up that Buffy never managed to kill anything. It seemed to her that vampires would be out looking for some fresh human yummies and would welcome the signals that food was near. But no, she was almost convinced that the hoots and snorts they made served as some kind of vampire repellant. They should figure out a way to bottle that and make their next million.  
  
She avoided asking Dawn. The girl was the only real family that Buffy had left, and it hurt too much knowing that they were no longer considered sisters. She couldn't talk to Dawn the way she used to and it was so hard to remember that Giles was the authority figure for her now. Of course Dawn still loved to patrol and would sulk over being left out. But then Anya would take her shopping and teach her about looking for sales and all those other vitally important parts of normal female lives.  
  
Buffy paused to yawn before resuming her careless stride.  
  
Then there was Willow. Willow would immediately agree to come along any time Buffy asked, then would spend the next hour debating the morality of killing another being just because it happened to be a demon that liked to eat people. After all, weren't they just trying to preserve their species by filling normal existential needs? Blah blah blah. It reminded her of the whole Shumash Indian mess and Spike tied to the chair peppered with arrows and offering his opinion to anyone who didn't want it. Add in the fact that Angel had been there the entire time and nobody had bothered to...  
  
Spike and Angel. Buffy stopped, her frown deepening. There was something she needed to know. With all the newfound bliss going on around her, they'd forgotten what had started this whole mess: her dream. There was something she needed to know and it had to do with Angel and, somehow, with Spike. She still didn't have the first clue about how, or what, or anything else for that matter. She had sacrificed two lovers for the cause of saving the earth, but her dream was telling her that something was still undone. But did anyone care? Not that she could tell. If she brought it up they waved off her concern and told her that it would work itself out in time.  
  
She supposed that a dusty dead demon didn't really rank high on their Oh-Gee-I-Give-A-Rat's-Ass O-Meters.  
  
She really needed to stop this. The world didn't revolve around her, especially with no apocalypse looming. Hmpf. No vampires looming either. She sighed loudly, pocketed her stake and turned back toward the hotel. Another wasted patrol was not going to...  
  
"Slayer!"  
  
Belatedly, Buffy felt the telltale stomach cramps that usually warned her of a vampire's approach. She whirled around to introduce her stake to the demon's unbeating heart, but remembered her hand was empty. She contented herself with a snap kick to his knee.  
  
"Ouch!" He limped backward on his uninjured leg. "Is that the best you can do?"  
  
"Try me," she said. A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. "It's been a while and I wouldn't mind dragging this out. Frankly, I've got nothing better to do."  
  
He flashed his fangs at her. "What makes you think I'd try to take on a Slayer by myself? Or that this'll take any time at all?"  
  
Buffy became aware of movements all around her, but didn't take her gaze off the demon, who was grinning wolfishly at her even as he rubbed his knee. She didn't show any outward signs of uneasiness, but she sensed that there were at least six other vampires closing in on her. "So all this attention for little old me? I'm flattered."  
  
"You're not one of the new ones, eh?" he asked as he limped toward her.  
  
"Nah, I've been around a long time."  
  
"And what makes you think you're going to last any longer, blondie?" he asked, as he reached out a rough hand to tug at her hair.  
  
Automatically she swung her forearm up, blocking his hand as her other hand unpocketed the stake and drove it home. She shook his dust from her fist.   
  
"Because I'm good," she said. She turned in a circle again, slowly this time. "Who's up next?"  
  
A few of the vamps backed off, but four continued to stalk toward her undeterred by the dust of their colleague wafting in the wind. Buffy found herself surrounded by the drooling quartet of hungry vampires and mentally formulated her attack. She ducked the first few punches, dropping low for a sweep kick, knocking the feet out from under one of her attackers. She straddled him and raised her stake to strike, but was hoisted off by two of the others and thrown against a headstone.   
  
"These thing never really get any softer, do they?" She kipped up to her feet and spun quickly, catching vamp number two in the chin with the heel of her boot and then introduced the wood to his chest before he could call for backup.   
  
"And then there were three," she commented. Buffy watched as they shifted uncomfortably, trying to ascertain the best avenue of attack. She could see their uneasy glances toward her stake and knew that none of them wanted to take the chance of being the next one to be reduced to miniscule pieces.  
  
"Come on!" she said. "You know you want to take me out. You've got all those nice, sharp teeth and here I am all full of yummy blood, just waiting for one of you."   
  
She saw the gleam enter their eyes and knew that she had them. The rushed her clumsily, tripping over each other on their quest for her neck. Thunk, thunk, thunk and they were all gone.   
  
She scanned the now empty cemetery and tucked the stake into her waistband. "You guys are all the same, always after one thing."  
  
Well, that had been invigorating - and timely. Just when she thought she'd have another boring evening watching television with Willow and Dawn, she'd actually ended up having a little fun. Too bad there was nobody around to share it with. Time to go back. Maybe now that she'd found a core of vampires she could interest the others in joining her on patrol the next night.   
  
She paused to wonder, what did you call a group of vampires? Nest had been done to death. Maybe a herd or a gaggle. No! A litter. No, that wouldn't be right either. Vampires ate kittens, so they wouldn't be a litter. That was it then: a pack. Pack worked. She was considerably more cheerful and moved with a bounce to her step as she resumed her trip back to her room. There had definitely been vamps that had scurried off, so she had a pack to find. Hopefully it would be a big one and Willow could work some mojo and the guys could do some stakings and even a few beheadings. It would be like old times. Yes. It was a good night.  



	11. Part 10

It was a sucky night.

  
  


"Nobody wants to come with me?" Buffy was incredulous. "Nobody?"

  
  


Giles glanced up from the crossword puzzled he'd been studying. "I don't think 'want' is quite the word Buffy, I just don't see the need to drag everybody out to the cemetery in the middle of the night when you've shown many times over that you can readily handle a few vampires on your own."

  
  


"It's what she does best," Anya noted.

  
  


"Indeed," Giles smiled up at her sickeningly.

  
  


"Get a room," Buffy mumbled.

  
  


"We have a room," Anya said, "And you're in it. Feel free to leave any time because it's late and we were planning to have sex." She plopped down on Giles' lap, crushing his puzzle. He didn't appear to mind.

  
  


"I'm not leaving until someone listens to me," Buffy stated. "I've already tried Willow and Dawn and the guys. Why doesn't anyone care about this? I think there is something brewing out there and we all need to work on this together."

  
  


"Buffy, what makes you think¼" Giles broke off as Anya began to nibble on his ear. He blushed, but managed to continue, "that this is any sort of vampire conspiracy?" He paused to settle Anya more securely on his lap. "All you've seen is a few vampires running from a fight. There's no indication that there are more out there."

  
  


"There are always more," Buffy said grimly. "You taught me that Giles."

  
  


Anya sighed impatiently and glared at her. "Yes, and he taught you a bunch of other stuff too back when you were fighting the big fight all by yourself. Now you have an army of little slayers to help you out - a horde of sprightly little girls just itching to mutilate anything they can plunge their stakes into. You don't need us."

  
  


"How can you say that?" Buffy asked. "I need all of you. I didn't save the world all those times with my super Slayer muscles or wicked-fast fight moves. It took all of us working together."

  
  


"We were facing apocalyptic battles," Giles said. "This was a routine patrol."

  
  


"My instincts tell me that it wasn't," Buffy insisted. "I just want you to come along and check it out with me. These guys were organized and seemed to be looking for Slayers. I think they might have a bigger plan."

  
  


Giles frowned. "It's possible. Creating all the new Slayers has caused a certain disruption to the balance of demon existence. In order to survive they would need to change their tactics."

  
  


"Exactly!" Buffy said. "This is why I need you. You understand about strategies and balances and lore and¼ and all that other boring stuff."

  
  


"I¼ I wouldn't say that it was boring," Giles protested.

  
  


"Trust me, sweetie," Anya patted his cheek. "It's boring." She smiled at him and kissed him for a long, long, long time. 

  
  


Buffy sighed and turned away. "I'm going to try to talk to the others again. I'll see you later."

  
  


Neither answered her.

  
  


*** 

Buffy was getting nowhere. The only one who seemed interested in joining her was Dawn, and Buffy really didn't want to put the girl out there against what could be a large group of vampires.

  
  


"You've always hated me," Dawn said.

  
  


"I've never hated you!"

  
  


"Oh, come on! You're so jealous you can't think straight. You want my dad all to yourself. You think that because he's your Watcher you have some kind of claim on him."

  
  


"That isn't true," Buffy denied. "You're the one I'm worried about Dawn. You might not remember it, but we're sisters. You are all the family I have and I don't want anything to happen to you."

  
  


"So it won't. Take me with you and act all protective if you want and let me kill some vampires."

  
  


"Not if you're the only one who's coming with me." Buffy was resolute.

  
  


"Here we go into General Buffy mode," Dawn muttered.

  
  


"Well, your attitude is one thing that hasn't changed," Buffy muttered back.

  
  


Willow chewed on her lip. "If Dawn really wants to go so much then I could go along to help keep her safe, even if I have to do a protection spell."

  
  


Dawn squealed and hugged the reluctant witch. "Thank you, Willow. You're the best!"

  
  


***** 

  
  


"So where are all the vamps?" Dawn asked.

  
  


"Shh." Buffy tried to listen to the night and pick up on the small sounds that signaled the presence of any lurking demons.

  
  


"We could go back to the hotel," Willow offered hopefully. "And we can all enjoy the company of friends and family and the thrill of no killing!"

  
  


Buffy stopped abruptly and huffed in irritation. "Do you see why this was a dumb idea? I don't know why I even try."

  
  


"Let's go a little farther," Dawn suggested. "Maybe we'll find more of this huge gang you think is out here."

  
  


"I think?" Buffy's voice rose a few notes. "I think? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

  
  


Dawn crossed her arms. "It's just that you seem to think that wandering through cemeteries and poking sticks at ghoulies that go bump in the night is some kind of real work. You take it all so seriously."

  
  


"This is serious Dawn. I'm saving lives out here."

  
  


Dawn raised her eyebrows skeptically and pointedly looked around the deserted graveyard. "Whatever."

  
  


Buffy threw her arms up, completely exasperated. "What is the deal with you? You're the one who wanted to tag along. Now you act like I've made the whole Slayer thing up. You know this is what I do."

  
  


"I'm just out here because it's more fun than hanging out with geek one and geek two while they fight over who is going to give me physics lessons using Star Trek models. There is nobody who is even remotely my age around here, so I have nothing to do until the new school term starts."

  
  


"School?" Buffy asked. "What school?"

  
  


"There's a high school over in Crestwood. I'm enrolled."

  
  


"How can you be enrolled? You don't live here."

  
  


"Not yet. Not until Dad closes on the house."

  
  


"What house?"

  
  


"Uh, Buffy," Willow interceded, "We could all go back and talk this out..."

  
  


"There is nothing to talk out! We have a mission. We have to find Slayers and train them to kill evil stuff. We can't do that if we're putting down roots in the middle of nowhere."

  
  


"All you ever think of is yourself," Dawn blurted. "We're happy! We've found a place that we like and Dad and Anya are getting married and we're going to be a family with a house and pets and stuff and this is good. We don't have to follow you around anymore while you play your games."

  
  


"These 'games' are keeping people alive. Don't you remember?" Buffy's voice ended on a wistful note. She felt as though she were going to start crying at any minute. How could they forget all the things they had done in the past, and how important they had been to the survival of human beings time and time again? It seemed that all anyone wanted to do was dive headfirst into what they thought was the normal world. They wanted to strap on their blinders and forget that there were bigger things out here than jobs and boyfriends and houses and school.

  
  


It wouldn't do to keep dwelling on this. Buffy could feel the panic of not being in control creeping over her. She tightened her grip on her stake and exhaled firmly. "I have vamps to find," she said, "and if you want to join me, do it. If you don't you can go back and join the others."

  
  


She didn't wait for a response, but turned and marched into the darkness of the nearby woods. After a few moments she heard two sets of footsteps following her, but Willow and Dawn remained silent. She could tell that Dawn was sulking. There was a big pouty Dawn vibe all around. Still, Buffy was just as glad that she wasn't alone. She could at least pretend that things were a little bit normal this way.

  
  


There were still no vampires that she could detect, and the woods were getting darker as they moved farther into them. "Willow," she whispered over her shoulder. "Do you think you could whip me up one of your little balls of sunshine?"

  
  


"Sure," Willow said cheerfully. "Don't see any problem there. Incandesce!" Willow commanded softly.

  
  


Nothing happened.

  
  


Buffy stopped and faced the other two girls. "Did I miss it?" she asked.

  
  


"No," Willow worried her lip. "That used to work in the past. Let me try again." This time she stood still and closed her eyes. "Incandesce". A very dim light appeared in front of her. Willow studied it in dismay.

  
  


"That's kind of puny," Dawn commented.

  
  


"At least it's something," Buffy said. "Let's go."

  
  


The light floated and flickered softly in front of the girls. It emitted barely enough light to keep them from stumbling over tree roots and broken branches. It was no help at all in lighting up the area beyond them. Buffy knew that any lurking vampires would have an advantage in this darkness. A feeling of unease settled in her gut and began to grow.

  
  


"I don't think this is the best idea," she said. "Maybe you two should go back."

  
  


"I think we should all go back," Willow said.

  
  


"Yeah," Dawn agreed. "It's obvious we aren't going to find any vampires, plus I'm getting hungry. We've been out here forever."

  
  


A loud crack sounded over to their left. Buffy whipped around and scanned the area, but saw only blackness. The hair on her arms stood up straight and her slayer sense went on red alert. "Get out of here now!" she shouted to the other girls. 

  
  


Willow didn't hesitate. She grabbed Dawn by the arm and dragged her back the way they had come. The small light flickered out, leaving Buffy alone. But she wasn't alone. She was surrounded. There were vampires everywhere, too many to actually sense their number. At least a dozen was her guess. Buffy gripped her stake once again, and charged into the murk.

  
  


***** 

  
  


"Willow," Dawn panted. "Stop. We have to stop."

  
  


Willow finally let go of the girl's arm and slowed down. Her only thought had been to get Dawn to safety. They had reached the edge of the woods and there was no sign that anything had followed them.

  
  


"I think we need to get help," Willow said.

  
  


Dawn shook her head. "No. We need to go back. We have to find out if Buffy..."

  
  


"I can't take you back in there!" Willow was panicked, "Dawn, you could get killed. I have to get you back."

  
  


"No!" she said again. "Something is going on in there and it's big and Buffy's in trouble. You heard all that yelling and fighting!"

  
  


Dawn could tell Willow was about to melt into a useless crying fit. She slapped her. "We're going to go back in there and find out if Buffy is still alive. If she is, we're going to get her out of there."

  
  


Willow shook her head, "How?"

  
  


"We'll figure it out," Dawn said as she turned to re-enter the woods. "We have to."

  
  


***** 


	12. Part 11

**Part 11 - Plan of Action**

The two girls peeked nervously over the fallen tree. "What are they doing?" Dawn whispered to Willow.

"I'm not sure. It looks like they're getting ready for some sort of ritual."

"Vampires do rituals?"

Willow nodded. "The older ones. A lot of the fledglings Buffy dusts don't know anything, but the ones who have been around for a long time can get pretty deep into the mumbo-jumbo. I remember back when Angel was trying to destroy the world..."

"What!?"

"Oh, Giles never told you about that? I suppose he wouldn't, with all the torture and Drusilla snogging that went on."

"That's sick!"

"Tell me about it. I wasn't even there! Spike told me."

"At least they haven't killed Buffy yet," Dawn said, staring down at the girl lying unconscious in the midst of the demons. She sat back on her heels to consider that fact. "Why haven't they killed Buffy yet?"

"They probably need her for their ritual. Didn't she say she thought they were out looking for Slayers?"

"Who knows? We weren't exactly paying attention." Dawn pulled on Willow's sweater. "We've got to go tell the others."

Willow nodded agreement. Quickly and soundlessly the girls found their way out of the woods.

XXX

Giles rubbed the back of his neck. His head was already pounding and he'd only just heard the news. Willow and Dawn were talking over each other, trying to explain what had happened. "Please stop!" Giles held up his hand to ward off the verbal barrage. The chattering subsided and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Willow, please, explain precisely what you saw."

"It... it was a large group of vampires. Maybe twenty. They were painting a shape on the ground. It wasn't familiar. I don't remember it from any of the books I've read. It was sort of..."

"Tell him what happened to Buffy!" Dawn said.

"Buffy - she was unconscious and tied up. She was breathing, but pretty bruised up. There were two vamps standing over her with swords." Willow stopped abruptly, taking in a shaky breath. "I think they're going to sacrifice her, Giles."

Giles moved to his desk and picked up his notepad. He handed it to Willow. "Draw it, the symbol you saw." He sat and studied the movements of the pen in Willow's hand. Dawn stood behind her and pointed out some things she missed. After a few tense moments Willow handed the pad back to Giles.

He studied the drawing, an hourglass with a black circle behind it, and his frown deepened. "Anya," he said, "would you come and look at this?"

Anya looked over his shoulder and gasped softly. "I know this," she said. "I haven't seen it since the first Crusade."

He glanced at her, intrigued. "You were at the Crusades?"

She smacked him affectionately. "I helped cause the Crusades. It all started when Glynnis the Fair found out that Roderick had been cavorting with the stable boy's sister who was visiting from Gloucester. She had a boyfriend who happened to be a Turk."

"Indeed?"

"Can we get back to Buffy and the blade wielding vamps?" Dawn asked.

"Oh, yes," Giles said, "So this is familiar to you?"

"Only from tapestries," Anya confirmed. "The wealthy used to hang those dusty things on the walls and some were atrocious, often depicting fat women spilling out of their..."

"Ahem!"

Anya glared at Dawn, "If you need a lozenge there are some over on the dresser."

"She has a point, dear. The symbol, please?"

"All right. I saw this in the castle of a warlock who practiced dark arts." She frowned. "It had something to do with restoration."

"Restored from what?"

"From the old times. You know, when the pure demons ruled the earth? Back then they were larger and stronger."

"As evidenced by the Turok Han."

"Uglier too," Dawn muttered.

"Shhh!" Willow nudged her.

"So you're telling us that this spell would serve to restore a demon back to its primal origins?" Giles asked.

"Something like that. It requires a sacrifice of power, which would be Buffy, and very strong magic. This guy I knew was a highly respected master of the dark arts, but he could never quite get it to work. We're talking serious mojo here."

Giles paced. "Apparently they feel they've summoned sufficient 'mojo' to succeed." He picked up a thick book and began to leaf through its pages. "With the demise of the Turok Han, this would be the only way that vampires could hope to achieve more power – enough to take on an army of Slayers."

Willow's eyes widened, "And no magic amulet to make them go poof!"

"I don't like this," Dawn said.

"It's bad," Anya agreed, "everyone will most likely die horribly."

"What are we going to do about it?" Willow asked. "Should we call some of the other Slayers in to stop this?"

"We don't have the time," Giles said, dropping the useless book. "The demons aren't going to stand around waiting for us to counter their attack. They have Buffy and apparently that's all they need. We have to do something now."

"Why didn't we just listen to Buffy when she told us?" Willow asked. "None of us listened. We didn't care!"

"Gather the others," Giles said. "we have to come up with a plan quickly."

XXX

"I say we go in there with flame throwers and watch them all flambé like vampire sparklers," Andrew said.

"Won't work," Xander said, "we'll never kill enough of them in time to save Buffy. We need something bigger and faster."

"Oh!" Andrew said, "Willow could make another one of those great big fireballs and hurl it over there."

"And that would save Buffy, how?" Xander asked.

"Sorry, I guess she'd poof too."

"Hey, I think I've got it!" Willow looked up form the book she held. "I found the spell they're planning to use."

"Let's see." Giles looked over her shoulder. "Yes, that looks like what Anya described."

"We can counteract this," Willow said. "We'll need to gather some ingredients, but we can block the spell and maybe even weaken them long enough to save Buffy."

"How much time do we have?" Giles asked.

Willow frowned. "It says here that the spell must occur in the eighth hour of darkness."

"What time was sunset?" Dawn asked.

"8:12," Andrew said, "but that isn't exact because even with the sun down there are still glimmers of light that cascade over the horizon in darkening hues."

"8:12 will be sufficient," Giles said. "This means we have to be ready to go by 4:00." He turned to Willow. "Can we gather what we need by then?"

"Oh yeah, it's doable. We have most of this stuff on hand. But..." she paused uncertainly.

"I don't like buts," Anya said, "because they're generally followed by a reason as to why everything will crumble into nothingness and fail spectacularly, leaving us all crying in the wreckage if we aren't already dead."

"Been there, done that – the crying in the wreckage part, I mean," Xander said. "So what's the big snag, Willow?"

"Me," she said. "I'm the weak link on which all this other stuff hinges. I've looked over this spell a lot and it takes some major magical ampage, and I only seem to be generating a dull hum."

"Since when?" Giles asked.

"I'm not sure. You know that I don't do much magic anymore, and I haven't even attempted anything major. Earlier today I tried to make a ball of light and I barely summoned a flicker, and that took all my concentration."

"You did the spell a few weeks ago. The dream spell," Dawn pointed out.

"That seemed to generate a lot of this mojo people keep discussing," Anya said. "You completely altered reality, but in a good way." She smiled at Giles, who blushed and smiled shyly back.

"And that takes big-time magic." Andrew said.

"So what happened between then and now?" Dawn asked.

"I happened," Willow sighed. "My dream was full of regrets and what-ifs. Over the years, it seems like so many bad things happened because of spells I did for my own interests. You all got caught in the fallout."

"But this wasn't bad!" Dawn told her. "This was all good. We're all better off and happier."

"Buffy might disagree with that," Giles pointed out.

Willow looked miserable. "I dreamed that I wasn't selfish and that I couldn't do magic and mess up everyone's life."

"And as a result you now have virtually no power," Giles said.

"Well I don't like this at all," Anya said.

"How do you mean, dear?"

"It's obvious. For Willow to do this spell and save the world, she has to go back to how she was before she altered reality. For her to do that, we all have to go back."

"No," Giles stated.

Anya looked at him with stricken eyes. "Unless you can find someone else with the power to pull this off there is no other way."

"I'll try. It's possible that I could do it," Giles said.

"Honey, you were only able to fight on that level with Willow when you had the powers from that coven. We don't have the time to work that out now. We only have a few hours."

"There must be another way."

Anya shook her head sadly, "I don't think so. The vampires have a strong shaman on their side. The only one who can compete with that is Willow. I've been around for a long time. I know these things."

"No." He walked away and moved to the window, staring out into the blackness of the night.

"Willow, you and Dawn go get the supplies you need to do the spell." Anya turned to Xander and Andrew, "And you go get the things we used for the dream spell. Everyone meet back here in an hour."

"Anya," Willow said, "if we reverse this spell you understand that..."

"It will all go back to what it was before."

"Then you know that you won't..."

"I'll be dead. Yes, I understand." Anya pointed to the door. "You're wasting the last hour I have with Rupert. Go."

 XXX

TBC…


	13. Part 12

**XII - Saying Goodbye**

Giles faced the window again. "We're not going to do this," he told her.

"There is no other way."

"There has to be."

Anya approached him, her eyes full of understanding. She let her hand trail across his back, wanting to soothe the tension away, but her next words only made him pull away again. "There isn't."

"This discussion is closed. We have an army of Slayers at our disposal."

"Who are spread out all over the world."

"Including California. There could be dozens..."

"And we're going to find them in the next hour and use these untrained girls to storm through an army of vampires in time to save Buffy from getting her throat slit? You know that won't work."

He laughed a little at that. Of course Anya would take the pragmatic view and point out the preposterousness of his excuses. There wasn't anybody else like her. He studied her, cupping his palm gently against her face. "This isn't real, none of it. I've always tried to keep my eyes open and see what needed to be done. Sometimes it's cost me more than I wanted to give."

"It's what you have to do again."

"But this time it's too much. The price..."

"The price is a woman who lived for over a millennium and who is already gone."

"No."

"Your lives, yours and Dawn's and Buffy's and Xander's and Willow's and even what's his name out there - they're short and precious. You know this is the only way."

He couldn't disagree with her, and he couldn't find his voice to tell her what he was feeling. He pulled her close and held her. Tears connected their cheeks, yet he didn't know which of them was the source. It didn't matter. He let his lips find hers and she was waiting for him, her hands loosening the buttons of his shirt and caressing the warmth of his body. Hot feelings coursed through him, want and need and anger and the desire to sink into an abyss of not caring or thinking.

"Anya..."

"Don't talk. Make love to me."

"I can't lose you."

"Shh. Come to bed and we'll think about it later. Please..."

He kissed her again, and lifted her into his arms, carrying her to the soft mattress. She wrapped herself around him and whispered sounds of love and need against his throat and chest. He gave in, embracing her promise of sweet oblivion.

x

"Do we have it all?" Xander asked.

Willow took mental inventory of the supplies gathered on the floor. Ground newt's feet, check. Dithumen ashes, check. Mineral oil, check. "Looks like it. Everything is the same as when I did the first spell.

"One thing isn't," Dawn said.

They looked at her questioningly.

"Buffy," she pointed out. "Buffy isn't here."

Xander threw his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "We'll get her back."

"She's right!" Willow said, her forehead furrowed in worry. "Buffy's not here."

"What's the big?"

"Don't you see? It could throw off the whole thing. There were six of us - me to do the spell, four to make up the circle and Buffy in the center. The whole balance will be thrown off without Buffy."

"There's Anya," Andrew said. "She wasn't here before, right?"

Willow studied the floor before them silently.

"He's right," Dawn said solemnly. "Anya can take Buffy's place."

They silently set to work, laying out the circle and lighting the candles.

x

Giles slowly buttoned his shirt and stared unseeingly at the framed landscape on the wall. Anya was fussing with her hair at the dresser and nattering on inanely. He barely noticed.

"It's time," she said.

He was jarred from his reverie. She stood before him, fresh and so dear. He took her hand in his and studied its youthful smoothness.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

"Anya..."

"Don't give me that ridiculous lecture about not doing this. They're waiting."

He stood, not understanding why his body seemed to be detached from the order to stay seated that his mind had given it. He didn't want to leave this room. Still, his feet shuffled to the door. Odd, he could feel the carpet. Oh, he'd forgotten to put on his shoes. That wouldn't do. A proper Watcher didn't perform spells in his stocking feet. Must return to the sanctuary of the room and retrieve them.

"Don't," Anya told him. "They're waiting."

"Of course."

They moved through the doorway, Anya holding the door for him. Now see? That was wrong as well. He was a gentleman and he should hold doors for his betrothed.

x

The others looked up at him expectantly. What in the hell did they expect him to say? He walked to the small table and checked the book. It was already opened to the proper page.

"We, uh, we thought Anya should sit in the middle, where Buffy was," Willow told him.

"Of course. Perfect reasoning," he intoned.

"And I'll take your seat, since you'll be doing the spell," she continued. "I think everything's ready."

He nodded and lifted the small jar of oil, carrying it to the center of the circle. He dipped his thumb inside and knelt in front of Anya.

"What's that for?" she asked.

"It's... it's protective. It keeps the subject from falling under the influence of..." He clenched his fist. He was sitting here describing this as if he weren't about to send this woman back to oblivion. There was so much more he wanted to tell her, but his mind only seemed to be functioning in terms of text and procedure.

He lifted his hand again. "This will ensure that the spell sets things back to rights. You weren't here and..." He couldn't continue.

She lifted her hand to his, urging it toward her face. "Go ahead."

He knew he couldn't do it, even as he touched his thumb to her brow and gently anointed her. She nodded softly, pride shining from her eyes. He lingered, wanting to hold her, knowing that there was no time left to do so. He stood and backed away, finding the book and absently lifting it, going through motions long ingrained. He was a Watcher. This is what he did.

"Join hands," he said.

Willow, Xander, Dawn and Andrew clasped hands and closed their eyes.

Giles read from the book, sprinkled the ashes, finished the rest of the text, and then closed the tome with a soft ruffling of pages. It slipped from his fingers.

"It's done," he said, turning away.

Willow opened her eyes and looked to the others, who were also glancing around wonderingly. Everything looked the same and felt the same. How would they know if it worked? She caught Xander's eyes and noticed the stricken look there.

"Xander?"

He nodded to the center of the circle, and Willow felt her breath catch.

Anya was gone.


	14. Part 13

**Release**

Buffy woke slowly, her eyes refusing to open and her fingers numb. Her head was throbbing in the back, where it lay in contact with the hard ground. She tried to lift her shoulders, but moaned at the pain that shot through her abdomen at the effort.

Well, she wasn't dead. Dead didn't hurt.

She shifted her shoulders and realized that her hands were tightly strapped together under her back. Ankles too. She managed to open her eyes enough to realize that it was night time and she wasn't alone. From what she could make out from the shadowy forms and low mutterings around her, she was in the company of a bunch of vampires, at least two dozen.

Great. Just great.

She flexed her knuckles, or tried to. With the restricted blood flow in her hands, there was no telling if they'd actually moved or not. Okay, not good. Now would be a good time for the Cavalry, or at least a scout troop. And where were the vampires with souls when you really needed one? Stupid dream. That's what had gotten her here in the first place.

"The time is anon," said one of the hooded figures.

She rolled her eyes. It hurt. Anon? Who said 'anon' anymore? Vampires really needed to make a better effort to keep up with the times.

"What's next, 'prithee'?" she asked.

"She's awake."

Oh yeah, this was a smart bunch. "Yeah, I'm up. And I'm a little uncomfortable. Could someone come over here and untie me? I'll say 'pretty please'."

"Gag her," said the anon guy.

What a jerk.

She heard a ripping sound and a strip of duct tape was plastered over her mouth. Fashion-challenged vamps using duct tape - and she thought she'd seen everything. She was hauled to her feet and carried over to the middle of a pentagram formed out of black sand. The goons let go of her and her legs buckled. She fell hard. Ooh, these guys were so gonna pay...

One of them started chanting, then the others joined in, low pitched and continuous. They all began moving, forming a tight circle as they slowly closed in on her.

x

Willow led Andrew and Xander to the edge of the clearing where she and Dawn had seen Buffy captured earlier. Yes, this was the right spot. The vamps were there.

"What's that sound?" Andrew asked. "It's like a really bunch of ticked off bees or those flying monkeys when they were marching to the Wicked Witch of the West's castle."

"They're chanting," Willow told him. "The ritual has already started."

"Can you see Buffy?" Xander asked her. She tried to look over the knot of hooded vampires, who were now swaying from side to side.

"No."

Andrew was beginning to sway too. Xander cuffed him on the head.

"Ow!"

"Shush! We don't have much time and they're already drawing her energy. I can feel it." Willow motioned for them to get down. She was nervous. Giles hadn't come along, having closed himself inside his room immediately following the spell reversal. Dawn had stayed with him, for once not objecting about being left out. Nobody wanted him to be left alone, but Willow was uncertain about using such strong magic without his guidance. Hopefully Xander would keep her from going too far if it came to that.

Willow turned her face toward the center of the vampire mass where she thought Buffy would be. Arms to her sides, palms facing outward, she closed her eyes and freed the strength inside her, willing it to flow. Her hair lifted, though there was no wind, and the essence of the night came alive, resting around her, prepared to do her bidding.

"It's so cool when she does that," Andrew whispered.

"Are you crazy? This is serious business." Xander said. "But okay, it is pretty cool. Just read the book Giles gave you."

Willow breathed a sigh of relief. It was hard to concentrate over their babbling.

Andrew opened the book and put his finger on the text Giles had highlighted. They'd all agreed he could do this part. The book was in Latin, of course, but they'd discovered that was no obstacle. Andrew had studied it way back when he was in the demon-summoning business. Willow was relieved, since this meant she didn't have to do it. And since Andrew now had a practical purpose in their demon fighting crusade, he'd been a happy camper, no longer complaining about the loss of his millions.

"Read it, already," Willow said.

"Okay. Sorry. _Annuo auctorit, concedo tui potenti!_"

"Xander, help him," Willow said.

"Me?"

"We are kind of outnumbered," Andrew pointed out. I'm not even sure that two of us chanting will be able to turn back the power of the Dark Side."

"Do you ever stop?" Xander asked.

"CHANT!" Willow ordered.

Accompanied by the murmurs of the men, Willow focused and felt a surge blast through her, pulled from the air, the trees, even the vampires assembled in front of them. She mouthed the first spell silently, her lips and tongue forming the word "release."

Andrew and Xander continued, their voices rising as their confidence grew. Willow felt it and fed from it. Her eyes flew open, shining brightly, her hair floating in a silvery halo around her head. "_Confuto!_" she cried.

The vampires stopped chanting and turned at the sound of her voice. "We must finish!"

The one hovering over Buffy threw back his hood, his yellow eyes glowing ferally. "Continue."

The others refocused on him and tried to continue, but their voices faltered as the trace power they had pulled from Buffy drained out of them.

Willow lifted her hand to the sky. A small ball of fire began to form above her palm. A few of the vamps mumbled nervously, but others commenced with their chanting, closing in around Buffy again. The ball grew and Willow hurled it through the clearing, incinerating the five closest to her. The others scattered, even as Willow began forming another flaming missile.

"WE MUST CONTINUE," the vampire screamed frantically, even as another third of his minions combusted, their dust settling to mingle with the soil.

His grand scheme in ruins, he seized the handle of the knife sheathed at his waist. Willow tracked his movements. He was going to kill Buffy.

"Xander!" she screamed.

"Willow?" Xander looked up from the book. "What is it?"

"The big guy in the middle, he's gonna go after Buffy. Oh, wait..." She broke off and smiled. "It's okay."

"What?" he said. "I can't see. What happened?"

Her grin widened. "She's free. Look, it worked."

The vamp was flying through the air, his knife gone and his feet flailing helplessly. Buffy stood in the center of the pentagram, her fists clenched and her face set in controlled fury.

"That's our girl," Xander told her. "And I think I have just the thing she needs."

x

Whatever Willow was doing was working like a charm. As Buffy lay there, feeling suffocated by the advancing demons, she realized she could move her hands and feet. They were still numb, but feeling was painfully returning. She forced herself to remain calm; falling back on the focusing techniques Giles had spent years teaching her. Breathe, flex, visualize, repeat.

After the first fireball hit, she jumped to her feet, unnoticed by the panicking fang gang. Willow was standing about fifty feet away, her hair glowing and her hands forming fire. She felt strong and good and really, really pissed off. The ringleader was beside her, yelling at the others, who were mostly ignoring him. Now that one, he was going to pay. As soon as he turned to face her, she punched his face, sending him flying though the air. From somewhere, Xander materialized with a stake.

x

She fought her way through the chaotic mess, dusting vamps as she went. It felt so good to be slaying again. The adrenaline that rushed through her reminded her of who she really was, and what these goons were not going to take from her.

She found the leader, still sprawled on the ground where he'd finally landed.

"Hey fella, you look like you're having a bad day. I could help you out with that."

"You were supposed to die."

"Already tried that out a couple of times. So far, nothing seems to stick."

"But we need your power."

"No, you've got that wrong. You _want_ my power. You _need_ a miracle and, guess what? You seem to be all out of those."

"I'll have your blood, Slayer."

Buffy shook her head, disappointed. "You guys are all the same, only after one thing. But if I can't serve you blood, how would you feel about a nice, juicy stake?" She brightened and lifted her fist to show him. "I've got one right here. Would you like it rare or well done?"

"You... you can't." He grabbed for her leg.

She plunged the stake though his heart. "Rare it is."

Buffy turned to see who was next, but all the vampires were gone.

Willow was still in the same spot, but now she just looked like Willow – a very tired, wrung out Willow. Xander joined Buffy and they made their way to her. Buffy thought she detected another voice from somewhere in that direction.

"Hey Andrew," Xander called, "you can stop the Latin mumbo-jumbo now."

He peeked up over a rock. "Really?"

"Yeah, they're all gone."

"We really did it?"

"Yeah, we did. All of us."

They reached Willow, who looked ready to collapse. Buffy slid her arm around her waist, supporting her as they headed back in the direction of the hotel.


	15. Part 14

XIV – Reunion

"Buffy!" Dawn raced across the room and Buffy was immediately covered in exuberant teenager. "You're okay! I was so afraid."

Buffy squeezed back. When she'd left, things with Dawn had been distant, and this felt wonderful – almost like they were sisters again. What a difference a little twisted reality could make. A few mystical monks and a spell had given her a sister only a few years ago, and now another spell had made Dawn belong with someone else. But here she was in the flesh, and it was so good to have a connection of any sort. All of these people, this crazy crew of loyal misfits – they were her home, and she'd take them however they were, altered circumstances or not.

"It's good to be back," she whispered.

Dawn pulled back and looked Buffy over. "Did they hurt you?"

"Who? That bunch of medieval wannabes? As if!"

"I wish I could have been there, but we thought Giles needed someone to be here." Dawn's happy smile faded as she glanced uncertainly at the closed door that connected the rooms.

"What?" Buffy asked.

Dawn looked over to Xander, who was helping Willow sit on the bed. "Did you tell her about what we did?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. Didn't seem to be the time."

"Not the time for what?" Buffy said. "What happened?" She allowed Xander to steer her toward the settee and decided she'd probably be better off not using physical force on him. She sat beside him. "Giles had better be okay."

"He's fine," Xander assured her. "At least physically."

"Xander!"

"We had to put things back to save you. We needed to reverse Willow's spell so that she'd have the power to work her mojo."

"So you're telling me things are back to normal? Dawn is my sister again and you're not Mr. Moneybags anymore?" She grinned. "And Willow's put the Sally Field act to bed?"

"Yeah, we're all back to plain old, lovable us. But Buff, that's not all."

Xander seemed to be so serious. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, apparently inspecting for dirt under his fingernails. She hoped the sinking sensation in her stomach was simply hunger.

"We lost Anya. Again."

"No." Buffy should have expected it, but it seemed so wrong.

He turned his face toward her, revealing his pain. "It had to be done. None of us wanted to."

"Are you okay?" Buffy reached around him, patting his back as if it could somehow help.

"I don't know. I haven't… I didn't want to go there. Not yet. Not again."

She wanted to say something, but didn't know how. Meaningful conversation had never been her strong suit. "Xander, I know how much it hurts to lose someone, even though they aren't yours anymore."

"I know you do." His words sounded like a sigh. "That's why, when you told me about your dream and about what happened down in the Hellmouth, I understood."

"You mean Spike?"

He nodded. "After I lost Anya there, I bottled it up and I didn't talk about it. Maybe I thought she wouldn't really be gone if I didn't mourn her." He took a deep breath. "And that wasn't fair to her or to me either. I still missed her." He turned to look at her. "What we had wasn't all that great, but the feelings were real. And so were yours. Just because I didn't like who you had them for didn't give me the right to…"

She threw her arms around him and hugged him, tears falling to her cheeks. "I love you, Xan." She held him tightly, but loosened her grasp when she heard him gasp for air.

"I love you too."

She dried her eyes with her fingertips and stood, smoothing out her shirt and taking stock of the others. Andrew had come in at some point and was fussing over Willow. Dawn was looking uncertainly toward Giles' door. "Has he been in there since you guys did the spell?" she asked her.

Dawn nibbled at her bottom lip. "Yes. He hasn't come out and I don't know what to do. Everything is different now and… Buffy, he had to do it. Giles was the one who performed the spell that made Anya go away."

"I've got to go talk to him." Buffy moved to the door and took a deep breath, then knocked softly. "Giles?"

She thought she heard him respond, but the voice was soft and muffled by the door. She turned the knob and glanced inside, locating him by his window. She doubted that he was really looking at anything, since she knew there wasn't much more on display than a parking lot and some minor landscaping.

"You're safe," he said quietly, not turning around to look at her.

"Yeah. Here I am. Safe Buffy."

"Good."

"And all the vamps are either dusty or on their way to places that aren't here." She shifted uncomfortably when he didn't respond. "Giles, I…"

"Don't," he said. "We did what was necessary and what was right. That is what we do."

"But the price, it was too high."

"No, it wasn't," he said, turning to face her. "Reality can't be altered for one's own liking. The consequences… well, you've learned that."

"Anya was more to you than an altered reality, and you're more than just a Watcher, standing around training the rest of us. You were happy." Her voice trailed off; tears threatening to spill again. They didn't need that and it would only make him more uncomfortable.

"Yes," he said. "I was completely happy. For the first time, perhaps." He moved past her, his hand in his trouser pockets. "It was her idea, you know, that she should go to help set things right. I wanted to explore alternatives, but time was of the essence and she was correct. As usual."

"I… I didn't know."

"Of course not, how would you?"

"I always underestimated her," Buffy admitted.

"I think we all did, except for Anya, of course."

"She did a great thing, Giles. You should be proud." Buffy swallowed hard. "I know how hard this is. I know what it is to give up your… To have something and then have it taken away. You and Anya, it was real, wasn't it."

Giles lowered his eyes and Buffy fumbled for something to say to show him that she understood; that this time she wanted to be the one who was strong for him, but she came up empty.

"I never wanted to be a Watcher," he said, suddenly. "I don't think I ever told you that. I fought my father about it all through my youth. I wanted my independence and I didn't want to be saddled with some child, some girl, who would die performing a duty she didn't ask to be called for." He smiled softly. "And then I met you." He reached out and softly touched her hair. "You were not at all what I'd been taught that a Slayer was about. You were maddening and impulsive and entirely too interested in overpriced clothing and ridiculous shoes." He rested his hands on her shoulders. "I've seen you survive things that killed all the Slayers who went before you."

"Giles…"

"I was sent to Sunnydale to teach you, but all my knowledge couldn't keep you safe. You've lost so much, no, given up so much, but somehow it was worth it for you. Such resilience. And I was so very proud of you Buffy. A father couldn't be prouder of his own daughter You've shown me how to be a better person. Buffy, it is you who has taught me."

He lifted his hands and stepped away, rubbing his neck and looking more tired than she'd ever seen him. But there was still hope in his eyes, and a glimmer of happiness. "There's something else bothering you, I can tell."

Of course he could. "I, uh, I'm not sure how to ask this, but what about Dawn?"

"Dawn?"

"This is all sinking in, what these changes mean, and I think she's lost something here too." Buffy searched his expression for a clue to his feelings. "She had a father for the first time, and she and Anya were getting along so well. Now she has me. Again. Just me."

The lines on his face softened. "Not just you. I'll not forget these past few weeks, and the life that I might have had, had things been different. But nothing is perfect, Buffy, and to pretend it is, that is the illusion. Sometimes reality is hard, but my true reality includes you and Dawn, whom I couldn't possibly care for any more than I already do. Willow and Xander too, and," he sighed, "and even Andrew. Bloody hell, I've just realized that since he's no longer independently wealthy he's going to be tagging around after me asking for more Watcher training."

"Is he that bad?" Buffy asked.

"The lad insists on addressing anyone from Great Britain as 'Sir' or 'Lady', and he continually has Fruit Gushers stuck between his teeth."

"Sounds like it's gonna take a lot of work." Trust Giles to take a tragic situation and find possibilities.

"Yes, and with the Watcher's Council decimated we need all the help we can get."

"Hey," Buffy remembered, "Andrew did okay when we sent him to LA to get Dana."

"It took an army of Slayers to ensure he didn't fail."

"And he didn't. See there? Next time it might only take a platoon or maybe even a troop."

Buffy heard a muffled voice through the door. "Troops are cool. I could work with a troop."

"He's listening," Buffy said.

"I wouldn't have expected anything less."

"So, what say we go show him what a real Watcher is made of. I think Anya would approve, even with Andrew in the equation."

She watched him carefully as he considered the option. Finally his eyes took on that glint of a smile that showed he would humor her. She smiled back and then walked to the door, waiting for him to open it for her.

She wasn't alone. None of them were.


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue

Buffy tossed in her bed, the images flowing with familiarity. Angel was kissing her, and then it was Spike. She was telling them she loved them, but they died, slipping from her hands into nothingness.

"Is it real?" she asked.

The words echoed, _Is it real? Is it real? Is it real?_

She awoke, springing upright with her hand pressed to her chest, her heart thudding.

X

"I had the dream again," she announced as she walked into the dining room.

Giles and Andrew looked up from the notes and maps spread out on the table in front of them.

Buffy had taken the time to shower and freshen up before going to find the others. It felt good to be doing her normal routine again. Since they no longer had the Xander Harris trust fund for their living expenses, they would be packing and moving out today. The plan had been to meet and decide on the next port of call. "Where is everyone?"

"Out getting supplies," Andrew said. "Snack food and magazines and those little bottles of conditioner."

Giles ignored him. "Was it exactly the same?"

"The conditioner?"

He gave her his exasperated face. "Your dream."

"Pretty much." She slipped into the chair opposite him and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl. "Did everybody already eat?"

"Hours ago. You were exhausted. We thought we should let you sleep."

"How's Willow?"

"Recovering. She has a headache, but that seems to be all."

"That's good."

"Back to your dream…"

"Giles, I know that there's something that I'm supposed to do. It gives me the willies because Slayer dreams are never about good stuff. The fact that I'm dreaming about Spike and Angel all mixed up together doesn't make any sense."

"You don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you had a relationship with both of them, or that you were present when each, um, met his demise?"

She'd considered that way back when she first had the dream. She shook her head. "No, I really think it's something more; that there's something I don't know that involves the two of them together, as impossible at that is."

"I think I need to go buy some little suitcase stuff too," Andrew said, scooting away from the table. "Did anyone tell Xander to pick up Pop Tarts?"

"Sit down, we're working," Giles told him.

"I keep going back to the idea that I sent Angel to hell, but he came back," Buffy continued. "I think we should call him."

"I don't know how receptive he'd be. He was quite angry about Dana."

"That's right," Andrew said. "Don't call him, just in case he's been completely seduced by the dark side. The Force is strong in that one."

"However," Giles continued, "there was word from some of our sources that he was seen in Rome last month, and that he wasn't alone."

"Angel was in Rome?" Buffy asked. "My Rome? Before or after I pummeled the guy he had tailing me? You know, the one with the tail?"

"Excuse me, I've got to go tinkle," Andrew said.

"You're a grown man," Giles told him. "You can just say it if you need to use the facilities. Besides, you just used them before we started."

Buffy slapped the table hard enough to make it shake. "Angel. Rome. We had a discussion going."

"Uh, yes. It's nothing definite, just a rumor that was bandied about."

"But last month I was there! That's when I was seeing…"

"The Immortal," Andrew said, his voice taking on a dreamy quality.

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him. "As I recall, you always did seem to like him better than I did." She turned her gaze back to Giles. "If Angel had been there, he would have come to see me. Did your sources say who he was with?"

"Number two!" Andrew shouted. "Gotta go NOW!"

"What in hell is the matter with you?" Giles asked.

"Flu?" Andrew offered.

"You know something about this, don't you?" It suddenly dawned on Buffy that Andrew had been underfoot constantly in Rome. He would have been at the apartment if Angel had visited. "Did you see Angel? He came to see me, didn't he?"

"Ummmm…"

"Talk, you little weasel, or I'm going to flambé your entire collection of Yu Gi Oh cards."

"Oh dear," Giles said, taking his glasses off and squeezing the bridge of his nose.

"I made a promise, Buffy! He didn't want you to know. He wanted to tell you himself, and you know how loyal I am to…"

"Loyal?" Buffy stood and attempted to tower over him. "Since when do you have any loyalty to Angel? You met him for the first time when you went to LA, and I didn't get the idea that you even liked him. Why would you cover for him?"

Giles replaced his glasses. "She has a point. Andrew, why wouldn't you tell us that you'd spoken with Angel?"

Andrew's throat jerked as he looked from Giles to Buffy and back again. "Can you both promise that no physical harm will come to me?"

"No," Buffy told him.

"OK, I'll talk!" he said. "Can I have a glass of water?"

"Andrew!"

"It was a miracle. I went to see Angel, but there he was, standing like a specter clad in black leather and motorcycle boots, the kind really designed for riding a bike. I knew he couldn't be real, but I touched him and he was. He was not a part of the evil corporation like the rest of them and he was the one who found Dana, but said I couldn't tell you and then she cut off his hands. Angel took him and I took her and that's all I knew until they showed up in Rome looking for you because they didn't want you with the womanizing lothario who never dies."

Not much of what he was saying made sense to Buffy, but she knew what he was telling her. She backed away, cold and numb. Oh God!

"Buffy?" Giles asked.

"Spike, Giles. He's talking about Spike."

"No, he couldn't possibly…"

"It's true, isn't it Andrew?" she demanded.

"Yes. The blond vampyre is back from the grave, and his hands have been reattached."

"Why?" She asked. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't he tell me?"

Giles pinned him to his seat with a furious glare. "Why wouldn't you tell anyone about an event as significant as the only other vampire with a soul also returning from death? There are prophecies involved. This is sure to have a deeper meaning."

"He asked me not to tell," Andrew said in a very small voice.

"And you're so good with the not talking, right?" Buffy said. "I'm going, Giles. You guys can go on with your plans and we'll meet up later. I'm headed for LA." She had no other thought, except to get her stuff and going.

"Do you really think you should do this alone?"

She stopped at the door, Giles' last word managing to break through the barrier of her emotions. Alone. She really wasn't alone. If she'd learned anything since sharing her power with all the other Slayers, it was that there were others who could help her carry her burdens. And Giles – Giles understood what it was to have love slip away, to be left behind.

She turned to face him. "Giles? Will you go with me? I… I think I'll need you."

"Of course, Buffy. We'll all go, if that's what you want."

"I don't know. In the past, when things got weird, I always…"

He walked to her. "This isn't the past and things don't have to be that way anymore."

"They really don't, do they?"

She felt him lift her hands in his, and then his arms slid around her and pulled her close. She listened as he assured her that when the others returned, they'd all load the cars and go to Los Angeles together. She sighed in agreement, her anger gone and a new sort of happiness in its place.

"Does this mean I'm not in trouble anymore?" Andrew asked.

Buffy peered around Giles. "I'll deal with you later."

"I was afraid of that."

She smiled up at Giles and stepped back. "I'll get my things and meet you all in a few minutes."

"We'll be ready," he said.

She knew they would.

END


End file.
